Seven years ago, I met my husband on the dating website “Plenty of Fish”. Now, we have a beautiful life together. Before I met him, I had fun chatting with different men. I met some strange ones, great ones, and then “The one”.
When we are having bad luck when dating, our faith can become depleted. We start to wonder if it’s worth the headache.
I can tell you, it is worth it. There are ways you can continue to use online dating services and maintain your sanity. Don’t worry, none of them involve deleting your dating apps!
1. Forget Unrealistic Expectations
Finding the right person for you will take time. This is not something that happens overnight: Just because you decided to commit, doesn’t mean your prince or princess charming will jump out of nowhere and sweep you off your feet. It takes work and time.
The most important thing to realize is that even when you find “The one”, a healthy relationship is still something you will need to work on every day. Due to the instantaneous nature of the internet, sometimes we expect love will happen quickly when we date online. After all, we have thousands of services at our fingertips, right?
Prepare ourselves for the ups and downs of online dating. While positive thinking is important, you must be realistic about the situation. If you believe you are going to find our “great love” right away and don’t, it can lead to disappointment and frustration.
Unrealistic expectations are the main source of unhappiness in dating and in life. So try to dial down your expectations and just enjoy getting to know interesting people, the rest will fall into place.
2. Remember That Not Everyone Has the Same Goal as You Do
Different people have different goals when online dating. Some people may want a one-night hookup, some may want a friend or companion, and others may want a long-term relationship.
The biggest mistake you can make while online dating is meeting with someone who wants the opposite of what you are looking for. If their profile on Ok Cupid says they are looking for a monogamous relationship and you are looking for a non-exclusive relationship, pass on their profile. It shouldn’t matter if you both like “House of Cards” or you think they’re super attractive.
If you attempt to date someone who wants something different than you do: You’re setting yourself and that relationship, up for failure. People are complicated and dating online can be a daunting game of hide-and-seek for a while until you begin chatting with people who have the same goal as you do.
Keep your goals in mind, but don’t expect everyone will share your vision for the future. If you want to broaden your dating pool, try using one of these unique Tinder alternatives.
3. Do Not Become Obsessed With Your Dating App
When you’re focused on finding someone to spend all your time with or chatting with a new person, it is easy to get obsessed with checking your app to see if you have a new message. Sometimes, you can even “check out” of real-life conversations in favor of scrolling through an app.
Don’t do this, not only is it rude, but it’s unhealthy. If you have an iPhone, try using the screen time option on iOS to limit how much time you spend on your phone and on specific applications.
Trust me, this will be a good thing. You never know, the right person for you may be standing in line behind you at Starbucks and you will actually notice because you aren’t distracted by your phone!
4. Practice Self-Care
Online dating can be emotionally exhausting, especially if you are just wanting to settle down and find the right person but the stars are not aligning. This is why self-care while online dating is so important.
Self-care is different for everyone: It can mean a night of videogames, a bubble bath, a good feed of Taco bell, or a yoga session. Self-care starts with good habits. So even if you are busy, try one of these apps that will help you form healthy habits.
5. Do Not Take It Personally
Sometimes things just don’t work out. Sometimes when you are into online dating, you may begin to really like someone and they back off, or show limited interest. It is important that you realize it’s probably not about you. Don’t take offense if someone decides you aren’t their cup of tea.
This isn’t just your online dating experience, the other person has to feel “it” too. If they don’t, do not beat yourself up, and do not waste your time trying to analyze why.
Your time is valuable, don’t waste it.
6. Do Not Engage With Harassers and “Creepers”
We have all heard the stories about creeps, perverts, and trolls on dating sites and apps. Some of us have even experienced the “pleasure” of being messaged by someone like this.
The best way to deal with these types of people is to disengage. If you ignore the message or block the person, they will have no choice but to move on to someone else.
What if you’re not the type of person to ignore someone trying to communicate with you and you want to let the person know their approach isn’t working? Try using Tinder’s new option of sending a reaction.
However, if this person’s behavior is concerning, be sure to report their profile to the support team of the dating application.
Forget Finding the One and Just Have Fun
This should be fun, not an out-and-out mission to find someone and make them your husband or wife. Dating should be about having a good time, getting to know interesting people, and getting to know yourself.
The more fun you are having, the more people will be attracted to your energy. So have fun, meet in busy,well-lit locations, and don’t put so much pressure on yourself to meet “the one”. You can’t rush the process as fate may have its own plans.